HAPPY EASTER <3

arizona was fantastic, definitely what i needed after winter quarter (even though i had a vacation a week before). i honestly think that i should be prescribed vacations, because they help my anxiety more than anything! or maybe i should just live somewhere sunny. haha

any who- i was being the usual nicia today, and contemplating life on a large scale. and i realized that i need to stop harboring up emotions (one of the causes of my anxiety). i have so much negative feelings toward people who have treated me horribly in my life, or people who treated my friends horribly, and i NEED to learn to forgive them. i was thinking about this today, and i think what was holding me back is my pride, and the fact that i could not bear for them to think that what they did was okay. what came to me was that i just have to forgive them in my heart, i do NOT need to be friends with them or see them by any means, especially because i have vowed to never speak to them ever again. i just don't want to be an angry or hateful person, and not being that way does not mean that i am weak, if anything it means i am stronger! its just so hard to be angry because that is just not who i am and it is EXHAUSTING trying to be that way.

i was also thinking about where i was a year ago compared to now. it is crazy how many things have changed, i would have never thought that i would be where i am today if you would have told me a year ago. i am really grateful it has changed, i was not happy and hadn't been for so long that i literally forgot how to be happy... if that makes any sense. its great to finally realize what is important in life, and how i ought to be treated. i don't even think i can convey how low i was at this point last year, but many of my friends can attest.

in light of Easter, i should say that i am INCREDIBLY grateful for the Atonement, it is crazy thinking of everything that Christ did for us all, even though He was a perfect being. if He can do something as great as that, why is it that i have such a hard time with forgiveness? sort of humbling to think about. we saw the Easter Pageant (on the life of Jesus Christ and His resurrection) when we were in AZ at the Mesa Temple (they do a huge production throughout the entire month of April) and it was amazing.

ps. is it possible to be completely head over heels for someone even though you don't know them very welll?? ahhhh

love & kisssessss <3 gnight